With the exception of one summer post freshman year of college (which was a cluster-fuck in its own right), I moved out of my parents house at 18 and I couldn’t get far away, fast enough. I was always under such strict rules and bullshit that I wanted freedom and to be on my own. I took a lot of summer jobs and tried to spend a bunch of time out of the house in my highschool years, but it wasn’t the same as having my own place and being on my own schedule.
I was never great with money, so this presented a problem. I wanted all of the things!! I spent my life watching my mother be SUPER materialistic and my dad struggle to get by with what he had. What this ultimately ended up cultivating was a materialistic, but resourceful person who spent every dime he had and created the things he wanted when it wasn’t financially feasible to just buy. Years later, I am selling off thousands of dollars in legos, collectors toys, cameras, and other things in order to a) have less shit in the house and b) recoup some costs.
AEP and I, like most people, spent our 20’s and early 30’s renting places. Homes that we would try to make our own, but we could only do so much since we couldn’t do construction, remodeling, or really even paint. About 6 years ago, we really got our shit together, moved around some finances, and bought our own house. It goes without saying that we worked REALLY hard to make sure we could save enough money, get our finances together, take our time, and buy a place that we knew we could settle into for 20+ years, in an area that we loved, and that had the potential to make it our own. By a stroke of luck in an incredible volatile market, we got an amazing house with amazing neighbors in a great part of town with no shortage of activities and things nearby. We REALLY lucked out. Since then, we’ve poured over $30k, hundreds of hours, and a LOT of Blood, Sweat, and even some Tears into making this house our HOME. So when I tell you to take your fucking shoes off when you come in my house, you better be respectful and take your goddamn shoes off.
One of the things I was taught when growing up is to be VERY respectful to other people, their things, and for the most part, their wishes. If you borrow a tool, you better give it back in better shape than you received it. If you go to someone’s home, you treat it with respect and how THEY treat it, not how you would treat YOUR home. If you are invited to dinner, you never show up empty handed. Always let the kids and elderly eat first. If you make a mess, you help clean it up. And even if you DIDN’T make the mess, you still help clean the fucking thing up. Because that’s what good people do. I could go on and on. So it goes without saying that when I’m invited to other people’s houses, The first thing I do when I walk in is take my shoes off.
Since owning a home, one of the BIGGEST pet peeves I have is other people showing up and treating it like their house instead of mine. I worked too damn hard on this house to have it destroyed because you feel “mOrE cOmFoRtaBle wiTH yOuR shOeS oN” because, “tHaT’s hOw iT iS iN yOuR hOUse”. I dont’ give a fuck. You’re not in YOUR house, you’re in mine. And even my 3 year old son knows to take his fucking shoes off as soon as he gets home. For the most part, I’ve trained enough of the people in my life by now to follow this rule as soon as they come in. We intentionally leave our shoes by the front door so people can see and know that we follow that rule too. But there are two specific groups in my life that don’t follow this rule and it pisses me off to no. fucking. end.
First: The younger generation. These younger kids (or people I guess) just don’t know respect at all. Somewhere in the past decade, instead of having children, the youngest millennials/oldest Gen z’s have decided that dogs will be their kids. They treat them like kids, they talk to them like kids, they introduce them as “their kids”. It’s a bit fucking ridiculous. Now don’t get me wrong, I love animals for the most part. I’ve had a few dogs in my day and we even currently have a cat, but I have never referred them as my “kids”. Want to know why? Because they’re not fucking kids, they’re pets. I can’t leave my 3 year old by himself at home during the work day with a bowl of water and food on the floor (though I’m sure he wouldn’t mind). I can’t lock him in a cage when he’s bad or pees on the floor. Pretty sure there is a service that would come take him away. If I make him go to the bathroom outside my neighbors are surely going to have something to say. And if my kid gets really sick, I can’t just euthanize him because there’s no quality of life left (dark but you get the point).
YOUR DOG IS NOT YOUR KID.
Why does this matter? Because my younger friends who DO have dogs, feel like they never to travel everywhere with them. They take them to restaurants, they try to bring them to people’s houses, they occasionally try to bring them to work. Look, I know you’re excited to have a dog and that’s great! And there is absolutely at time and a place to bring your dog with you for things. But stop asking me if you can bring your dog to my house. The answer will always be NO. First of all, I don’t know your dog. I don’t know how disciplined they are, I don’t know how well they do in new environments or around kids. Want to know why there isn’t already a dog here? Because we haven’t gotten to the time in our lives where we’re ready to take that on. So if I don’t have a dog at my house, you sure as well aren’t bringing YOURS here.
I once had a friend bring their dog from their place (which was only 30 minutes away) to our house, JUST to leave them in a cage, while we went to a local place, and then take the dog back home. WHAT?!?! You know what happened? That anxiety-ridden, un-disciplined, high-strung dog broke out of it’s shitty little cage, jumped on my counter and ate an ENTIRE loaf of french bread, and proceeded to take a massive shit on the upstairs spare bedroom carpet while we were gone. And guess who had to clean it up? THIS is exactly why I don’t want your 4 legged “kid” at my fucking house. It’s hard enough to keep this place clean with a wife who has ADD, a 3 year old, and me, being the only person in the house that likes things clean and organized and not fucking chaotic and messy all the god damn time. The ONLY exception to this rule was my Dad and Step-mom’s dog. That dog was awesome. He had an attitude, especially at night and was antagonized a bit, but overall he was an awesome dog who was chubby, cute, and SUPER chill. He had to be put down 2 weeks ago due to old age and cancer spreading. He was one of my favorite dogs…
The SECOND group of people that has driven me absolutely crazy with all of this, are my in-laws. Now don’t get me wrong, they’re good people who, for the most part have been pretty good to me. I don’t have a great relationship with them because I don’t exactly “fit in” to their crowd (small town, country folk – i’m just a high maintenance city-boy that somehow stole their daughter). We’re also not close in proximity which means we haven’t spent a lot of time there, so i’m sure that’s part of it too. Regardless, they’re TERRIBLE house guests.
They live in a 100 year old house in a town of about 3500 people. Their family is all within 20 minutes of each other, so when they need something, they just SHOW up. First of all, that drives me absolutely insane. DOn’t just show up to my house uninvited. That’s fucking ignorant and rude. Give me a call or a text first and see if it’s OK for you to just show up. I could be caught with my pants down, I could be in the middle of something important. I could have already have plans. Don’t just fucking show up. And when I DO tell you it’s ok to come over, please don’t treat my house like you treat YOUR house.
My FIL always has to have his shoes on. Can’t take them off. Honestly can’t believe he doesn’t wear them to bed. And I don’t get it. I don’t understand WHY. Put on some nice house shoes or slippers if it’s that big of a deal. They got new carpet a few years ago and within a year it was fucking trashed, because all they do is drag dirt in and out of the house with their shoes on constantly. Their dog, who is a big fucking oaf of a lab with no spacial awareness, a constant anxiety and neediness to be touched, and who is basically undisciplined in any way besides being potty trained, has to “go with them everywhere” and is a complete fucking pain in the ass. Not only does my MIL get up with him at the crack of dawn when they’re here and have him tear across the house playing, waking everyone up. But half the time when he comes in from outside (which can be muddy in certain areas of our yard), they NEVER wipe his paws, they don’t clean up all of the decorate rock he’s torn up in the yard, and he slurps water EVERYwhere across the house which doesn’t get wiped or cleaned up. It drives me FUCKING INSANE.
The last time they came to watch our son while we took a couple day trip for our anniversary, I came home to muddy paw prints everywhere, all over the house and carpet, part of my halloween display outside had fallen in a storm and they just left it there and ignored it (10ft reaper they didn’t even TRY to stand back up and didn’t tell me about or ask me what to do). Everytime they come I ask what we can buy for them to eat and what they want for the weekend, but instead it all goes to waste because my MIL things she’ll eat healthy, and then constantly goes to the store the buy shit food because she has no self control around cravings. Because a salad sounded good on Thursday, but now she’d rather just have chocolate shakes. The lack of respect truly astounds me sometimes, especially because THEIR parents are VERY respectful, organized, and clean. I’m really not sure what went wrong.
My In-laws aren’t dirty people, per say, but they’re definitely not organized people either. So I always dread having them here and i’m SO very thankful that they live far enough away where they can’t just “show up” unannounced and rain on our fucking parade, because my MIL wouldn’t hesitate. And again, I love them and to each their own, but they’re terrible fucking house guests and it makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house. So when they come to our house, I have to constantly remind them of no shoes, I don’t bother buying groceries anymore, and last time they came it was for my son’s birthday and thankfully didn’t bring their oaf of a dog since there were too many people here. Thank. God.
So if by chance anyone stumbles upon this and reads it to the end, the next time you go to someone’s house, don’t treat it like your own house. Treat it with respect no matter HOW the owners treat their own home, and remember to always leave your dog at home (unless the requested you bring it) and take off your fucking shoes.